A COOK I AM NOT

No question about it. I am not a cook. Last night proved my ineptness at culinary effort.

I enjoy stuffing. The kind you cook in a turkey or on stove top. I grabbed a bag of stuffing last week off the shelf at Publix. Figured I would cook myself up a meal of stuffing.

Thought it was all in the bag. Soon learned it was not. On the next trip to Publix, I bought the other items. Swanson soup, a big onion, diced celery, and butter. This was going to be a production!

Last night was the time! Poured myself a gin and proceeded.

Placed the ingredients on the cupboard. Took out a 5 quart pan. Directions said use a 3 quart one. I did not have a 3 quarter. Should not make a difference, I thought.

Diced the onion. With a paring knife. I did not tear. Thought I would. Melted 5 tablespoons of butter in the pan. Medium heat. Threw in the celery and onion. Let it cook till tender crisp, whatever that is. I waited till everything was turning brown. Then 2 cups of Swanson soup. Waited for it to boil. Threw in the bag of cubed bread. Then off the heat. Covered the pan for 5 minutes.

Followed all instructions precisely, except for size of the pan.

Time came to eat the concoction!

It was terrible!

The bread stuffing still half hard. Taste on the dry side.

I ate two small helpings. Could not handle any more. Threw the rest away. I was stuffed and uncomfortable.

It was an early bed night. My stomach full. There was a smell. It was me. Onions. This morning I went downstairs to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. My kitchen reeks of onion.

There has to me a lady out there to save me. I need one! For cooking and sex. Or, sex and cooking. The order immaterial.

Yesterday was Sloan first. I am trying to put together another show. One where I can sit at my computer at any time to talk and be seen. Could be 2 minutes or 20 minutes. Whatever moves me at the moment. The show archived, of course.

That is what we are working on. Any suggestions? If so, let me know.

Then Syracuse basketball. A disaster. I fear it may be that way all season. St. John’s beat us 84-72.

The zone is not working. Penetration through the middle easy. Forget rebounding. The team does not. Need a big man. Not this season, unfortunately. Too late.

The game was played at Madison Square Garden. St. John’s a former Big East foe.

Several great Syracuse players from the early years of the Big Eat were at the game. Sitting behind the Syracuse bench. Pearl Washington, Billy Owens, John Wallace, and Rafael Addison. I saw them all play back when.

Washington has brain cancer. Yesterday was one of his good days. He could be at the game and meet up again with other Syracuse greats.

Then this week’s KONK Life column. Used my research from last week which I shelved to do the Helen Sperling/Holocaust story. This week’s column titled The President Could Not Spell. About Teddy Roosevelt. He had a problem. No spell check back then. An interesting story re the way he tried to correct his problem and the flack that followed.

A fire yesterday in Key Largo. Someone gassing up his boat at a Tom Thumb. Mistakenly put the gasoline into the bilge opening rather than where it belonged. About 100 gallons came out the back end of the boat.

Firemen arrived. Tom Thumb and homes evacuated. Fire only consumed the boat and parts of Tom Thumb.

Mistakes happen. Sounds like a new boat owner involved.

The Crime Report section of today’s Key West Citizen carries a sad story. Concerns a 33 year old homeless man who stole a tent, shoes, fishing pole and some other items from K-Mart. He was caught.

He said the items were needed to make a home, etc.  for his pregnant girl friend who was getting out of jail today.

Keys History noted that on this day in 1888 construction began on the Custom House. Completed late in 1891. Cost $108,000.

Key West is fortunate to have such a fine building. The Custom House has a long list of famous events that took place there. It is an outstanding tourist attraction today. Well run.

Enjoy your day!

5 comments on “A COOK I AM NOT

  1. Next time use stove top stuffing. Easier. Also, if you don’t have enough liquid, or it seems dry, just add more chicken broth til you achieve the desired moistness of stuffing. My motherinlaw always made her stuffing, then poured more broth on it just before serving — voila — perfect stuffing every time. Yum.

      • You used Stove Top Stuffing (the brand name). It comes in a bright red biox. Seriously? How could you mess that up? It only takes water and butter……..you just dump the whole package in the water and melted butter. Try it again and make sure the liquid amounts are correct. At the end splash chicken broth over the top to moisturize.

  2. sounds like you forgot the celery too. other than that, just add more hot water if the broth was not enough. You also need to bake it or pan fry it in butter. Or if you have a turkey or chicken, you would stuff it with your stuffing. Don’t feel bad. My husband can’t cook either and will not even try. At least you gave it a shot 🙂

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